The Illest...

Mickey Avalon. If you don't already know him, get to. His lyrics are realistic gospel and speak to his audience that moves them in an unchartered way:

His Shirt Speaks for Itself...

...and Proclaims what it truly means to be the owner of a lengthy, wavy mullet while also having a 70's porn star 'stache:


heygirlhey

Photo by mlancer22 on Photobucket.com

Looks Like It's Back to the Texam Hold 'Em Poker Tournaments/Circuits for Shannon Elizabeth...

The starlet, most famous for her appearance in classic American Pie, was told her time on Dancing With the Stars was over last night.

Elizabeth, along with dance partner Derek Hough, was judged far too harshly from the beginning. All of the stars have done a great job and worked so hard, but Shannon and Derek really stood out with raw talent. However sad fans may be to see them go, it's reported that the two are making sweet, sweet music off the dance floor as well(could that have been any more cliché?). And to clarify, by sweet, sweet music, I meant getting it on like a businessman and a Thai hooker on a Friday night after he's called his wife and kids to say goodnight and I love you all the while thinking to himself...bring on the spankings and harness!

heygirlhey

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Soooo Romantic and Hot....

There are few things hotter than the love of your life writing a song for you that's about you and the love you both share...the feeling must be indescribable. Benji Madden penned "Shine Your Light" for Paris and has already recorded it in the studio, making their love for one another even stronger and more evident. Congratulations to them both!

heygirlhey

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The Legend of the Cornichons Part II...

Invisible to the naked eye,
This petite pickle leaves one wanting more and asking why.

Unless you're a happy ending massage parlor employee,
or a street walker on her knee
You won't even know it's there,
For it's no larger than a pee.

However trivial it may be,
It's still quite hard on the outside,
It claims to be a Kosher dill, but it's obvious that it lied.

Before it's next venture it shall try to plump up;
Or for the Cornichons even a stroke might not help,
not even a pump.

Sad but true is the tale of the Cornichons,
but there is light at that the end of this shaft;
Although it does get tossed around in the wind,
or even the tiniest little draft.

Try to put it in your mouth,
and you may choke.
It's more like a Virginia Slim, not even a real smoke.

But wet it is and slippery it gets,
Especially when slid between any array of nice slits.

heygirlhey

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Johnnyboy in all Her Glory...

heygirlhey

90210 Spinoff...

Some characters are already cast and it is still in the beginning stages of production, but nonetheless I have high hopes for this show. Although I am still partial to the original show and cast, and spinoffs generally are lackluster wannabes of the original, I have a special, tingly feeling down there about this one that it will be different and on more on par with the talents and stylings of Brenda, Brandon, Kelly, Dylan, David, Donna, etc. Thus also creating a new generation of future movie-of-the-week, porn, reality show, and spring break special stars that also moonlight as stage hands and valets at the Beverly Hills hotel.


heygirlhey

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A Tribute to a Valuable Piece of Americana that We All Respect as the Mullet...

Business in the Front, Party in the Back:


heygirlhey

Prophetic That's What He Said Reference of the Day...

America couldn't have said it better itself!

heygirlhey

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Every Creep Carrying a Bottle of Boone's Farm Wine and a Victoria's Secret Bag Containing a 32A Bra Thinks the Following...

He's every internet predator's worst nightmare and has made these words part of the American vernacular: "Hi, I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC. Why Don't You Have a Seat Over There and Talk to Me for a Minute." It's an understatement to say that I, along with the rest of America, have a slight obsession with Chris Hansen and his antics. He's such a stud, and his show actually makes a difference, hopefully deterring such future occurrences similar to those he constantly catches.

heygirlhey

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R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet Series Has Got Some New Competition...

This video is the essence, no I'm not refering the magazine, of cinematic perfection. It's so wrong, yet so right, and I believe it provides some very deep, insightful advice into how to react when yo man come home at 5 in the morn' stankin' like a fish market. It's really thoughtful the way Riskay is lookin' out for all the girls out there with cheaters. No pun intended, I smell a collaboration between Carrie Underwood and Riskay...some sort of mash-up that may be called "Before She Smells Yo D*ck".

heygirlhey

The One Week Anniversary of www.theheygirlhey.com...

Today is the one week anniversary of www.theheygirlhey.com which ironically coincides with being the 69th post on the site as well. Although it has only already been a week, I am overwhelmed by the response everyone has displayed towards the site and am honored by how much fun and pleasure everyone has been getting by reading and using it. The positive feedback has been wonderful to hear, as it is a phenomenally motivating factor. I cannot even begin to tell you how much of a blast I've been having with the site because it's been such a great, creative outlet and been such a fabulous experience. I am well aware of the fact that the heygirlhey needs of the world are abundant, and my pledge to you is that I will continue to strive to fill any and all of those needs to the best of my ability. I truly believe that once you go blog, you never go back and that blogging is the new black. I'd also like to take the time to thank a very special person to me, my muse, for everything(cue Golden Girls theme song, Bob Sinclair's World Hold On, and Usher's You Make Me Wanna)...there really are no words. So continue to enjoy the site and keep on Livin' the Dream!

Remember: "Do What You Want and Say What You Feel. Because Those Who Matter Don't Mind, and Those Who Mind Don't Matter."

As always, "Hey Girl Heyyyyyyyyyy!"

In honor of this most holy of days, I'm inclined to post the following:


heygirlhey

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G.I.L.F.'s...

To my Muse...ohhh the meaning:


Who knew Bea Arthur was Joe Francis' new protege?

heygirlhey

Photo by Mrstevers on Photobucket.com
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GOSSIP GIRL Tonight xoxo...

Ed Westwick as Chuck Bass on Gossip Girl:

The next big thing, in more ways than one (that's what she said).

heygirlhey

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Straight as a Circle...

Sum Ting Wong. The verdict is in. We can all rest knowing that William Hung is resurrecting his illustrious career as an exotic dancer. Next time you're in Vegas, be sure to stop in and visit Wilhemina at the Spearmint Rhino. Here's a tip: he also excepts egg rolls or edamame in lieu of dollar bills.

heygirlhey

Reno 911: A Glimpse into Greatness...

Featured here is a clip from the Reno 911 movie derived from the insatiably off-color, hilarious TV show on Comedy Central:


heygirlhey

I Think Fergie Said it Best...

"How Come Every Time You Come Around, My London, London Bridge Wanna Go Down?"

This season on ABC's The Bachelor, the featured bachelor is the picture of perfection. Hailing from London, a gorgeous, charming, gentleman with a kind heart and enticing wit ready to settle down and spend the rest of his life with his soulmate...what more can you ask for? Watch him wine and dine the final 3 on tonight's episode. Go Shayne!

heygirlhey

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Johnnyboy Does Jehovah Witnesses...

Incredible. There are really no words.

heygirlhey

Amy Poehler to be Baby Mama in Real Life...

Married to the hilarious Will Arnett, Amy Poehler is sure to produce offspring that is bound to burst out of the womb cracking jokes and quoting her infamous SNL character saying "Yeah I Farted...Jealous?". This child will be doing stand up at The Laugh Factory by age 2 with these comedic genes.

heygirlhey

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A Warning to All the Lucky Ladies Out There Who Are Privileged Enough to Go Out With Chuck Norris...

And remember this: Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with over 20,000 women. Chuck Norris calls this a slow Tuesday.

heygirlhey

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How You Gonna Fix It, Fix It, Fix It???...

For his many years as the host of the Price is Right, Bob Barker has been persistently asking his audience to "Please Have Your Pets Spayed or Neutered", or Fix It....could this be the new inspiration for Danity Kane's hit "Damaged"? It seems unlikely, yet oh so fitting. Bob Barker and Danity Kane...a match made in AARP heaven.

+

=
Unbridaled Chart-Topping Success

Bob Barker(The Music Industry's Secret to Multi-Platinum Records and Animal Population Control)

heygirlhey

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Photo by matt_reister on Photobucket.com

Mullets in the Morning on Mondays...

What a fine example of alliteration that was! And is there really anything better than starting your week with this beautiful hair do that has withstood the test of time and conquered many obstacles to receive the acclaim it now does?? I think not. Notice the nice, little dirt 'stache as well. Wow, this fine young man really does have it all.


heygirlhey

Photo by hanznfronz on Photobucket.com

We Love You Just the Way You are...

...no need to try and win even more popularity by trying to be like the devil in a sticky, stained, blue dress with this pose:

Keep up the good work...you're doing great!

heygirlhey

Photo by bookymouse on Photobucket.com

Brings Back Memories of What Everyone Guy Was for this Past Halloween...

No need for elaboration when I think most of us concur on this topic:

By the way, I don't mean to insult the resonating anthem that Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg created by assimilating their song with this highly ironic picture. Di*k in a Box was and always will be one of the most genius bodies of music ever created!

heygirlhey

Photo by alisonjgross on Photobucket.com

It's Prom Season....

Therefore, it appears that Louis Vuitton is making a special collection of couture prom gowns as displayed below and showcased during Paris fashion week:


heygirlhey

Photo by wavesmami2008 on Photobucket.com

The Legend of the Cornichons...

Little, but Mighty
Short, Not Tall
Not just Tiny, but Embarrassingly Small

Itty Bitty
Barely More than an Inch,
The Cornichons Can Only be Felt with a Grab, Not a Pinch

However Miniscule it May be, it Still Packs a Punch
Making it Nearly Impossible to Munch
Or Wrap Your Mouth Around to Crunch

Barely Visible with a Microscope,
Tiny and Soft is what it is,
Never Juicy, Never Any Fizz

heygirlhey

Photo by wondermilkybitch on Photobucket.com

The Froth Whisperer...

Gene Simmons himself:

There are far too many references to be made here, but I think you get the point with the title. And I have it on good authority that after an experience with the Froth Whisperer, one immediately smokes an entire carton of cigarettes out of complete necessity.

heygirlhey

Photo by emoteddybear09 on Photobucket.com

If the Dress Don't Fit, You Must Acquit...

...and by acquit, I mean buy a maternity prom dress that literally exposes the result of a wild Malt Liquor fueled evening:

Prom Night Itinerary-
7 p.m. Pre Party at Shanaynays Stepdads
9 p.m. Load Everyone into Taxis to Attend Prom
*pit stop at KFC
10 p.m. Arrive at Prom, immediately begin doing the cupid shuffle
12 a.m. Give Birth in bathroom stall
2 a.m. Let Mom babysit newborn baby Orangello to hit the after party
4 a.m. Drink one more Colt 45 and call it a night

Next Day-
1 p.m. Arrive at Maury Povich studios
2 p.m. Begin filming episode and hearing 11 times in a row that "He is not the father"

heygirlhey

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Wisdom of the Day...

"Well-behaved women rarely make history"
-Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

heygirlhey

Perfection in its Purest Form...

heygirlhey

You Just Do You.....

...in a bathroom stall by yourself in a public Park in front of a homeless man in a van....did I just say that out loud???

There's not a chance he doesn't have carpel tunnel...NOT A CHANCE!

heygirlhey

Photo by ceraaaa on Photobucket.com

Soooo In Love....

The Real Deal:

While these two lovebirds look blissfully happy as they jet set around the world and have days at the park with her gorgeous kids, the question remains: Does Jake love Reese in the spit-on-my-hand and bend-you-over in a tent in the mountains kind of way?

heygirlhey

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An Open Letter to Clay Aiken...

That's all.

heygirlhey

Photo by stoneygibson on Photobucket.com

Does Anyone Else Want to Join Me in a Petition???...

Against Child Mullets. It's one thing for a hillbilly, inbread adult to have this luscious hairstyle, but you're entering an entirely new arena of cruelty when you do it to a defenseless child?

Exhibit A)

Exhibit B)

Exhibit C)


heygirlhey

Photo by jayshaw638 on Photobucket.com
Photo by TheMacTyler on Photobucket.com
Photo by hollyrichards3 on Photobucket.com

He'll Give You an Inch, and Take a Mile...

Partride Family star and noteworthy individual Danny Bonaduce is rumored to be the inspiration for Dirt Nasty's single "Baby Dick". If he was ever at any point taking any sort of performance-enhancing prescriptions and this alleged condition was a result, one can't help but wonder what Barry Bonds might really be packin' down south.

heygirlhey

Photo by uscfan109 on Photobucket.com

A Balcony You Could Do Shakespeare Off Of...

Queen Aretha Franklin and Her Ladies:

You can bat those eyelashes all you want girl, but ain't nothin' going to distract the public from those dairy farms. Is it true that Bon Jovi just remade their hit single "You Want to Make a Memory" into "You Want to Make a Mammary"?

heygirlhey

Photo by vmerina on Photobucket.com

McCain, they have a Pill for What it Looks Like You're Experiencing...

It's called Gas-X. You may also want to try Beano, Metamucil, or just some old-fashioned fiber:


heygirlhey

Photo by drummerjh2006 on Photobucket.com

Tom Cruise to Appear on Oprah Again...

Tom Cruise truly is an American icon and is a remarkable actor with an immensely successful body of work, so anytime anyone speaks negatively about him, his wife Katie, or his 3 kids, I find it somewhat appalling and unnecessary. They're just a family, like any other, living their lives under circumstances that are unimaginable to most, so just let them be. On a second note, I am anxiously awaiting the Scientology-fueled, Couch-Jumping, High-Fiving, Cocktail-Induced appearance Mr. Cruise will be making on Oprah yet again in May. He may wear lifts in his shoes, but nothing can fake that natural high energy, unless you're a college student during exam time scrambling for Adderall. Almost as excited for this as I am the Sex and the City movie...almost.

heygirlhey

Photo by hotwreck420 on Photobucket.com

Someone Call Joe Francis, 'Cause Hannah Montana has Gone Wild...

Her Best Friend Leslie Says, She's Just Eating Miley:

Oh Miley, you little stinker. You're just a regular teenager, and everyone takes such pictures, it's just that people set much higher standards for you, especially being the daughter of the man who brought the mullet hairstyle mainstream, Billy Ray Cyrus. I'm sure his Achy Breaky Heart is just a tad broken with the publication of these photos, but your show is darling and the empire you're building is beyond successful, so keep up the good work!

heygirlhey


Photo by meattenderizer2010 on Photobucket.com

Amy Winehouse's Husband to Stay Behind Bars for Now, While She Frequents Them...

She's so talented, and appears to genuinely love her husband Blake, so being away from your incarcerated love must be practically unbearable which makes the daily pub crawls understandable, but let's just hope she doesn't become a HO, HO, HO. Just keep her in your prayers. The Pope's next stop after the U.S. should definitely be London for a quick visit with dear Amy...maybe he'll even lend her his darling red Prada loafers??

heygirlhey

Photo by vachepourtoi on Photobucket.com

Early Release: Madonna's HARD CANDY

Flawless:

Featuring tracks with Justin Timberlake, Pharrell Williams, Timberland, and Kanye West, this album is sure to become a musical bible of sorts. When it comes down to it, her music is just amazing no matter your age, race, gender, etc., when you hear Madonna's music it speaks right to you. Music will tell you who you are, if you just listen, and who better to let take the wheel than Madonna. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock...

heygirlhey

Photo by klainep on Photobucket.com

Style Staple in the IT color of the Season...

Behold the Balenciaga Motorcycle Bag in hot yellow:

If you don't already have it, you should. Though the bag has been around for a while, it's vital to any wardrobe and a must-have. Do what you must to obtain this bag. For some of you this may mean a few morally reprehensible nights on dark street corners in downtown areas. I won't judge, just be sure to be carrying it next we go out!

heygirlhey

Photo by 3ldgirls on Photobucket.com

Who Else Needs to Go Take a Cold Shower Now...

Sorry, give me a moment to reflect in the beauty that is this photo. Upon viewing this piece of art, something is making me want to Hassel the Hoff. Enough said.

heygirlhey

Photo by dwassllir on Photobucket.com

All Man, All the Time...

Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits. And when the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Needless to say, I could elaborate for days about this legend that is indeed Chuck Norris, but I am choosing to save his wisdom, his greatness for subsequent posts. So I leave you with this: Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

heygirlhey

Photo by lizard3578 on Photobucket.com

You Might Have Dropped the Ball on Paying Your Taxes, but Don't Drop the Soap Wesley...

Mr. Snipes has been sentenced to 3 years in prison:

If he knows what's good for him, he'll leave the wig and dress at home, or at the end of his time in prison, he'll be the dutiful wife to his doting husband Bubba. Hopefully, he's still got some of those fancy moves from Blade to ward off the inMATES.

heygirlhey

Photo by scream1344 on Photobucket.com

Evening Mullet Fix...

Notice the nice, sassy flip...you can tell how proud he is of the luxurious length he's strived so vigorously for.

heygirlhey

Photo by CaptainN28 on Photobucket.com

Johnny Boy's Been Drinking...

I'm not quite sure how, but he/she outdoes her/himself every time....we may be looking at the next Amanda Lepore/RuPaul. Buckle up, because the Johnny Boy fun has just begun...

heygirlhey

Lily Allen's Glory Hole...

Lily Allen has lately been insisting that she's the best in London when it comes to giving oral fellatio....you go girl. Why would anyone in their right mind promote their albums, talkshows, and other business ventures when you can declare that you're a pro at pulling a Lewinsky??? Classy.

heygirlhey

Photo by xxofficialdorkxx on Photobucket.com

Dancing With the Stars: The Reason to Watch...

Cristian de la Fuente is by far the most talented on the show, not to mention his smoldering looks and finesse on the dance floor. Some might argue that Kristi YamaCoochie(did I spell that correctly?) is the most talented, and while she may be doing a great job, she is also well trained in this arena, which raises the question of whether or not she has an unfair advantage. Buena suerte Cristian!

heygirlhey

Photo by yeseniaalonso on Photobucket.com

A Little Guido Recognition....

There's a solid chance these three fine young men may all be results of the torrid Amy Fisher / Joey Buttafucco affair. And we all know how that ended...

heygirlhey

That's What He Said Reference of the Day:

Wow...There will be a reward if anyone can find out who the glorious individual is in this photo. Contact me at once with his info so I may send him a gift certificate to the nearest spa for a whole body wax. Thank you.

heygirlhey

The Tranny Hot Mess of the Day...

The one Miss Candis Cayne, also known as Carmelita, on the delightfully delicious show Dirty Sexy Money on ABC. You can hardly tell there used to be a twig and berries downstairs....WHATTTTTT

heygirlhey

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B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.Y........

Looks like the Fall Out Boy fell into his fiancé, and a precious little emo punk wearing skull and camo gear will arrive in the coming months. I'm sure ultimate stage father extraordinaire Joe Simpson a.k.a. Papa Joe is already planning a Jackson 5 type group with this new addition to the family....Jessica, Ashlee, baby Wentz, and he has his fingers crossed for J.Lo's two little adorable piñata twins to join as well.

heygirlhey

Photo by Dorotea on Photobucket.com

Hayyyyyyyy Hay Hay....

While I'm in awe of this photo, I'm now thinking back to my younger years, and am somewhat frightened at the thought that this was the individual putting cash under my pillow after I lost a tooth.

heygirlhey

Photo by Fieryfairydust on Photobucket.com

That's What She Said Reference of the Day...

heygirlhey

Photo by Dixo on Photobucket.com