A Friendly Herro From Kim Jong Sexy...

Before you lies Fabio Amarillo Fong Lee Wong de Asia(translation yellow Fabio from rice country).

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Michael Jackson as Chris Chrocker, A Match Made in Heaven...

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Denise Bushards Promo Poster for Her New Reality Show...

...she's never looked better. Charlie Sheen does a body good:

The irony of this picture is even further exercised by the vast similarities and traits shared by the all too similar lifestyles of Bush and Sheen.

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If Barbara Walters and I Were to Have a Conversation...

...this is exactly what I would say to her:


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SuperNanny to Make Britney Spears a SuperMommy...

+

=

Jo Frost is set to aid Britney in becoming the best mom she can be. She's been through so much, and every day Spears proves to her public that whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. It's obvious that she loves and adores her two beautiful boys, but there are indeed some mothers out there that need a prompt in the right parental direction to aid in that inate mother-child bond. It's Supernanny bitch!

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The Town Bicycle Is Spinning Her Wheels Once Again...

...and how fitting an analogy considering her current suitor:

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, Kate Hudson literally cannot be stopped. She is a venereal force to be reckoned with and has an insatiable appetite for all that is men, but who can blame her? Men are fabulous, and everyone should have at least 100 before settling down. Her next movie shall be entitled "How to Do Every Guy In Ten Days". I bet if we looked in her geneological background we would find a blood relation to Wilt Chamberlain hanging there somewhere in the Hudson family tree....just a thought.

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Unintentional That's What She Said...

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Aiken to Be a Daddy: Clay May Not Be Gay Hay Hay Hay...

Best friend and record producer, Jaymes Foster, has been artificially inseminated with the rainbow-colored sperm of Clay Aiken. Wow.

Fast forward to what their child will look like and be doing in 20 years:


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Strap on Your Saris With Caution...

...For upon viewing the following videos, you may feel an insanely intense desire to go to 7-11 for a slurpie and a scratch off ticket:



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Usher Would Be So Proud...

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Misinformed Redneck Moment of the Day...

I hear this man is also a master banjo player and tobacco chewer.

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What Should Definitely be George Lucas and Steven Spieliberg's Next Collaboration...

Coming to a country near you.

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Sienna Miller Totally in Love...

The style icon and fashion maven openly declares her continuing, passionate, and fetish-enhanced love with boyfriend Rhys Ifans. Most remember him as the showerless peasant in romantic comedy Notting Hill. However, nowadays he is much more than Hugh Grant's dirty roommate; he and Sienna share a fun, free, freaky relationship in which boredom and emotional idle coasting aren't an option....maybe they've got it all figured out?

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Coming to a Prison Near You...

...after being discovered by Chris Hansen ofcourse:
First we have Bubba Domesister with a treasure trail that goes on for miles...

Next up is Mario Van Dodudes with the most poignant perv-stache I have yet to see...

And finally Darryl Bentoverafterdaddyspitonhishand sporting the blonde feathered mullet...

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One of Jimmy Kimmel's Protégés...

...and one of my personal faves, Jake Byrd, at Paris Hilton's press conference for her new show:


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Gary Dourdan Pleads Guilty...

No, sillies, not to manifesting innumerable stereotypes. He plead guilty to possessing certain drugs when stopped by police in Palm Springs:

The CSI favorite of many will enter a drug treatment program as a result of these illegal misdoings. Next up for Gary...B movies of the week, a gratuitous spread in Ebony Hunks, and relentless watermelon and malt-liquor-enhanced koolaid consumption.

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George Clooney and Sarah Larson Go Their Separate Ways...

It's time for every girl, and some bicurious Christian Siriano wannabes, to begin doing your kegel exercises incessantly at once and prepare yourself and your hee-hoo for some possible probing. This is a series moment. When George Clooney is back on the market it's a call to get in the splits position and take the word "No" out of your social vernacular. Best luck to Sarah Larson....fingers crosses that they kept your waitressing position open in Vegas. If not, I'm sure the local bunny ranches are always looking for more employees.

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The Do's and Dont's of Being a Good Fan...

Do's and Don'ts


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That's What He Said Moment of the Day...

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Johnny Boy Needs Some Metamucil...

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The Mystery is Solved As to What They Do...

...when not making homemade noodle soup or giving acrylic nails to customer for good price:















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The Diary of a Black Man...

He makes an excellent point.

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This Family Has Them Acid Wash Jeans, Dirt Lips With Da Fur...

Them Acid Wash Jeans,
Dirt Lips With Da Fur
The whole trailer park was lookin' at her
She hit the floor
Got Drunk Some More
Kicked Him to the Door
After he called her a whore
Then the son/daughter got low low low low low low low low

**Actually, this is one of the most hideously charming family portraits I've ever seen. But you would think that they could buy one less lawn ornament for their space in the RV park and invest in some high yielding, low risk scissors for those luscious mulleted locks.

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Listen Closely & Repeat Profusely...

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The Genius That Is Milton Bradstein...

F.Y.I. Milton Bradstein is short for
MiltonDavidJason Bradsteingoldfarbmanowitzsky

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Every Guy Out There Needs to Take Lessons From Him...

Absolutely irresistible and beyond hot:


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I See What Barbara Walters Was Talking About...

There's something wrong with you if watching this video doesn't make you want to go to the dark side and immediately force you to smoke a black 'n mild cigarillo, drink sugar water, and go to a family picnic in a park where all of the females in attendance neglect to wear underwear in an effort to keep the flies away from the chicken.

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That's What He Said Moment of the Day...

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A Talented Bunch They Are...

Yes, it's true. The same religious sect of people that invented copper wire by fighting over a penny can also do karate all while having those darling little banana curls on the sides of their heads dangling like so. I'm in awe and now have the inate urge to never pay retail again and coupon clip while humming the theme from Fiddler on the Roof.

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Tori Spelling to Return to Her 90210 Stomping Grounds as Donna Martin...

After thrusting her second child out of her baby bazooka, Tori will reprise her career-channeling role on screen as the once virginal Donna. It will be interesting to see where writers and producers take her character.....will she be fresh out of rehab for being a sex addict??? will she have become Don Martin after a sex change operation??? Who knows...but we'll all anxiously await the storyline. Good for Whori on locking up this role.

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Kingston Rossdale Turns 2...

Celebrating entering the terrible twos with a star-studded bash including the likes of Victoria Beckham, Christina Aguilera, Nicole Richie, and numberous others, Kingston's party was a great success. He could not be cuter, and just seems like such a happy, joyous child reminding one that the simplest things in life are indeed the most fulfilling and emotionally gratifying. Happy Birthday Kingston!

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Inspired By My Recent Encounters With Aussie Boys...

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Kermit The Freak Reacts to 2girls1cup the Exact Same Way Andy Dick Did...

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Now We All Know What These Two Phenomonal, Courageous Individuals Will Be Doing At the End of Term...

Guess who's moving to California and having a double wedding with Portia and Ellen???? See above for answer:) I smell a porn coming on....entitled "Dick in Bush"...indeed that was an easy pun, but so undeniable that I couldn't help saying it out loud.

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An Intimate Look Inside the Pants of Policy Makers...

Hey, at least they're being honest. But I could have sworn that Cunnelingus Rice was packing a lot more heat than she shows here. And Congratulations Mr. Powell on your 3 foot rocket...very nice. I would also like to commend Rumsfeld on his first moment of honesty in politics...good for you.

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Hillary: At Least She Has the BALLS to Run for the Presidency of the United States...

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A Special Message From Obama on this Special Patriotic Day...

So wise. So honest. So true.

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Happy Memorial Day...

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America Finally Gets An Insight as to the Brotherly Dialogue that Regularly Takes Place Between Dubya and Cheney...

...Dick and Bush sure do go together quite well....a real tight fitting:


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Confucius Say Those Who Can Be Blindfolded With Dental Floss, Also Very Musically Talented...

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Ronald McJackson Does It All For the Kids...

Judging by the fact that Michael Jackson is seen here as Ronald McDonald, I can't help but question whether or not that white, creamy mustache on the boy posing with him is really milk? Connect the dots.

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Tara Reid Does Cannes...

....not does as in doing everyone who's there right now(I would never imply such a thing), does as in relaxingly enjoying some leisurely strolls on the shore:















Sporting two different, but equally sexy looks, the blonde beauty seems to be really partaking in some rest and relaxation. Honestly though, love Tara Reid...she's so real, so authentic, and knows that the thong bikini is not only the most sophisticated, classiest component of any wardrobe, but it is also the only sure-fire way to avoid tan lines and is an undeniable bullseye to her favorite point of entry.... that's what he said heyyyyyyyyyy!

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Lake of the Ozarks, Here We Come...

Be safe this weekend everyone no matter where there infamous weekend takes you!

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Warning for Memorial Day...

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Top Ten George W. Bush Moments...

...as comprised by Letterman for the Correspondents' Dinner:


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It's Raining McCain...

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It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's an Inbred.....

It's the ever elusive endanged species.....THE DANCING MULLET!

Fine cinematography. Wonderful wardrobe provided ofcourse by K-Mart and JC Penney. Stunt double services for falling scene by Billy Bob's Business in the Front Party in the Back Inc. Funding of this documentary provided by the National Association of the Dancing Mullet. Just a penny a day can save this dying breed...you can help by calling 1-800-TRAILER.

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Michelle Williams Makes First Red Carpet Appearance...

...since the untimely death of Heath Ledger:

Comforted by her daughter Matilda, who's the spitting image of daddy Heath, Williams has taken some time understandably so to process this emotional rollercoaster she was suddenly and unexpectedly thrust into. She has experienced this never-ending process of grief with true grace, honor, and humility; thereby deserving to fully reemerge into the public eye in a most public forum at the Cannes Film Festival looking and feeling the best she has in a long while.

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Johnny Boy: Where's the Beef?

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Bai Ling Wannabe Manifests Stereotypes to the Fullest Extent...

Wow...this such pretty picture of her in the bathroom of the sweatshop she work in with family. Very nice. Next up, job as masseuse at local massage parlor. Herrow. And what time does she go to the dentist you ask??? Answer: Tooth hurty. (with both of her hands held together over her mouth, "hehehehehehe")

Something Doesn't Quite Fit Here...

So wrong....take notice of the Confederate flags.

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Matt Damon is As Funny As He is Good-Looking...

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Sarah Silverman: The Porn Song...

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There Can Only Be One...

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Georgina Through the Transgendered Years...

Awww, what a cute grade school snapshot with the hairdo ever so slightly disguising the horns that lie beneath:

And a more mature, refined Georgina here in her fraternity composite photo:



















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The Poster That Should Be the Focus of PETA's Next Ad Campaign...

It really delves into a most important issue men, and some Rosie O'Donnell enthusiasts, dig into on a daily basis:


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Just Because...

Looks like Jackie Chan is moonlighting as a constipated contortionist conehead.

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Another Candid Shot of Barbara Walters From Back in the Day...

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David Cook Wins American Idol...

The most deserving winner of Idol ever! A wonderful man, an incredible singer. He restores the faith that with hard work and dedication and a true passion for life, you can accomplish anything and that all of your dreams are within reach. Congratulations David!


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SNL at Its Finest: The Japnese Office...

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Hillary Vs. Obama...

Says it all.

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Johnny Boy Got Her Hurr Did...

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Denise Richards: From Wild Things to Homewrecker to Reality "Star"...

Denise is a multitasker of the utmost sort. Cue theme music from PSYCHO:

While making publicity rounds to promote her latest project, she's letting it all out....not like she did in the rug muncher, see through shirt way she did in Wild Things, but in a plethora of other highly personal ways. Disclosing details about her tumultuous relationship with Charlie Sheen, her untimely relationship with frenemy Heather Locklear's ex-husband Richie Sambora, and her daughters, Richards is keeping nothing to the imagination. The spermicidal maniac should consider toning down some of the stories she's letting out not only to protect her supposed loved ones, but to shield her daughters from anymore public scrutiny and take advice from the 80's anthem that declares, "...You say it best, when you say nothing at all!"

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Jessica Alba Secretly Weds Cash Warren...

Expecting their first child together, Jessica and Cash decided to make their commitment to one another official by getting married out of the spotlight. Good for them. Now when their beautiful little beaner arrives, he or she will be born into a loving, secure environment surrounded by the warmth of her parents and the authenticity of margaritas, tortilla soup, chiclets, and silver jewelry.

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The Queen of All Media, Perez Hilton, Goes Golden...

...not showers, the song:

To Dorothy, From Blanche...you know who you are:)

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In His Border-Jumping Dreams...

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Keep Ted Kennedy In Your Prayers...

No matter which side of the political spectrum you lean towards, please keep legendary, groundbreaking member of Camelot, Ted Kennedy, in your prayers. He's facing a fight against a brain tumor, that with Kennedy determination and willpower, he shall overcome. At a time of such economic uncertainty and worldly unrest this is a perfect moment for everyone to take a minute to reflect on the powerful, immortal words of his brother, JFK:
"ASK NOT WHAT YOUR COUNTRY CAN DO FOR YOU, ASK WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR COUNTRY"


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Lars and the Real Girl Hibachi Style...

Not creepy at all. Not at all:


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Charleton Heston Speaks to Hillbillies From Beyond the Grave...

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What Adolf, I mean Ann, Coulter Should Use...

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Cameron Diaz: Self-Proclaimed Lover of Men...

Cameron has recently come out saying how much she loves sex and adores men. Good for her to be so open and honest. Also declaring her love of walking around naked in nothing but heels, Diaz exerts her overflowing feelings towards this most natural, seductive element of life. This is sure to catapult her back to #1 sex symbol status, though she's always been close to the top. She's dated some of Hollywood's most renowned a-listers, but has never really found the one, so maybe she has the modern day relationship down to a science? Maybe she'll be leading the next sexual revolution with such thoughts and ideas on this sometimes taboo topic?

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Obama Inches Towards Democratic Nomination...

It appears that this catch phrase will take him right into the nomination, although I know there is still hope for Hillary. However, it's hard to resist such a classy, aptly suited campaign tagline....but what more could you really expect from a closet chain smoker?
And this campaign strategy is sure to rally support:



















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