One of the Two BIGGEST Rock Lobsters in the World...

There's an enormous chance that she has Daddy issues and ran away at 14 with a 50 year old guy named Chester that sold her into carnival slavery. Hence her current lobster-on-stilts position on the Santa Monica Pier. Crustacean peasantry at its finest.

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Smokey the Shocker Says Only You Can Prevent Skin Biscuit Fires...

And then there was Jesus....a carpenter and a pimp. How does he have the time??:


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Romney: A Real Pro...

Rule #1: Always put on gloves before packing fudge. Found in Emily Post's Book of Etiquette:

When getting near the Hershey Highway, one must always take proper precautions of the utmost sort. Thank you, Mitt, for this public service announcement. You've truly helped out anyone with a rainbow sticker on their Dodge Neon and other young anal enthusiasts. Good man.

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Forgetting to Pay the Electric Bill Will Change Your Image in the Mind of Consumers Forever More...

...and provide you with an entirely new, perverted clientele:

Slippery when wet. It had to be said.

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Looks Like Joey Buttafucco & Linda Hogan Are Dating...

They're darling together:


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The Pussycat Dolls Have Some New Competition: Fight the Feeling, Leave It Alone...

Don't cha. Don't cha. No, I don't.

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Frank the Tank...

Pure talent. Unmatched style.

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And People Wonder Where the Homoerotic Batman/Robin References Come From...

Mystery solved. Thank you Peter Falk. Once again your detective skills have found evidenciary support for one of the world's greatest unanswered quandaries. Columbo forever!


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The Pope Overseeing Mass at The Vatican...

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You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth...

Couldn't agree more. Cue Mickey Avalon's 'Mr. Right'.

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Dear Guests of the Montel Williams Show...

F.Y.I.:


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Johnny Boy Can Be Sexy Too...

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It's Truly Sad to See What's Happened to Steven Seagal...

And, no, not even for a nickel, even though it's a hell of a deal.

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Go With the Suc Mi Pork, and Remember to Order A Side of His Special Sauce...

Yes, you may have to squint a tad to read this, but it's worth it. And by squinting you'll have a more authentic experience all together by spending a day in their shoes. Herro!

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Mesmerizing...

The Fro Glow on his face is priceless:


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Inside the Bedroom of Rosie O'Donnell & His Wife...

Bow chicka bow wow. Here, Rosie takes her from behind. In subsequent photos they rubber fist one another while listening to the Indigo Girls and looking at posters of Elton John and Sandra Bernhard.

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Office Politics...

The only sure-fire way to get that promotion is to assume the position:

Although, next time she should go with La Perla instead of Frederick's of Hollywood. Class it up a bit. Trashy lingerie....for the inner whore in all ambitious secretaries who desire some sort of upward mobility even if that means bringing your kneepads to the office everyday just in case.....

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Connie Chung Gives Maury Povich a Sponge Bath...

In the garden of their sprawling estate, Connie & Maury have their daily bonding session....she loofahs him till his Levitra-fueled rocket ship takes off, and he bounds her feet for two hours till her fetishy desires are fulfilled like his weekly prescription to Joe Francis' newest venture to grasp the Asian market, Girls With Eggshell Skin Color Gone Wild. Freaky.

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Barack and Hillary Were Childhood Friends...

...let's keep our fingers, and legs, crossed that this this ethnically rainbow duo is the Democratic ticket:

Although Obama doesn't look that pleased with lil' Hill here, they've come a long way and have worked out most, if not all, of their differences.

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Congratulations Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Mission Accomplished...

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Unnecessary Censorship of Mr. Rogers...

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At Least MLK Payed Attention During His Hooked on Phonics Courses...

Oh Lawdy, somebody get dees people a thesaurus, and before handing it to them make sure to explain in great detail to them that a thesaurus is not a type of dinosaur:

Typical.

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Although the Contrasts Are Very Subtle, Take Special Note...

Everybody was Kung Fu fighting, those Mormons were fast at lightning. Ninjas: at least they don't screw their sister and call it the best night of their life with wife number 3 out of 7. Mormons: the book they hold is much more dangerous than the weapon of a Ninja. That is all.

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The Melting Pot Menagerie Jolie-Pitt Style...

You've got your herrows, your what's up fools, and your hi, my name is Sanjay come visit me at the local 7-11s. This really has it all, and is actually just an impromptu photo on an adoption cruise of four of the Jolie-Pitts after a few rum runners in 20 years. The other 29 kids in the family were currently getting spa treatments, with some watching the magic show while mom and dad were playing the couples games on the top deck. Fun was had by all.

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The Result of Whitney Houston's 3 Day Peyote Bender in Tijuana, Mexico...

Ayos Mios! I'm not gonna lie, she looks great here. After no sleep, 100's of Tequila shots, mustache rides from taxi drivers & landscapers, copious amounts of hallucinogenic mushrooms, and drinking the tap water, she's never look better. No word yet if supposed bottle-hitter Kevin Costner joined her as a sort of reunion trip to their classic 'The Bodyguard', but it's been reported that Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty joined her on this quickie Mexi-trip where black market vicodin flows like wine at Michael Jackson hosted kids' parties.

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Maybe Ben Affleck and Matt Damon Aren't F**king Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman Anymore?...

Best friends, Matt and Ben, and their wives, Luciana and Jen, had dinner at Nobu Malibu to celebrate the 3rd wedding anniversary of Affleck and Garner over the weekend. The group was said to be having a blast with Matt and Ben providing an abundance of stories that served as the entertainment for the evening. Although there has been rumored trouble between Affleck and Garner, they appeared to having a wonderful, carefree time together with their dear friends.

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Madonna & Guy May Be Trying to Salvage Their Relationship After All...

The red string that has taken a governing role in their family and comprehensively influenced their relationship and lives for that matter, may actually be bringing them back together. Isn't it ironic, don't ya think? Kaballah may be the mystical force that reunites these star crossed lovers. They have a beautiful family and are so striking together that one hopes that the icon that is the Material Girl can reignite the flame of love so intensely with Ritchie, her husband not Sambora, that it may never flicker again.

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Just Another Sunday Funday at the White House...

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Awww, Morgan Freeman Must Be Shooting Blanks...

Poor guy:

Morgie, go to a massage parlor and get the full service treatment, then attend an awards show with a 19 year old white girl and I'm sure this penal insecurity will work itself out sooner rather than later. You'll Be Riding Miss Daisy again in no time.

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Tom Cruise Does a Test Shoot for Playboy...

She looks beautiful, stunning to say the least. This is definitely on the wall of every inmate in every prison in every city and state's cell.....and thousands of potential children have exploded onto Tom's face 1-3 times a day because of the fierce, raw, overt sexuality that she portrays in this glam spread.

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You'd Have the Same Reaction as Him if You'd Just Heard KFC Is Going To Be Serving Welch's Grape Drink Beginning July 1st...

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King of the Castle, King of the Castle...

Outer space never looked so good, and cost effective. Oy vey, get this creature some brisket and cafelta fish. Now, Moishe!

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Johnny Boy Doesn't Give a Flying Crouton About Haters...

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Breaking News: Photo Finally Released of Chuck Norris' Kahoneys...

Eva Longoria Parker minds Walker Texas Ranger's stepchildren below:

Holy mother of God, they must have their own zip code. And finally the world is able to see actual evidence that Chuck Norris doesn't tea bag ladies, he potato sacks them. I'm in awe.

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Asean Stefani Covers 'Sweet Escape'...

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Rudy Huckstable Isn't That Into Roller Coasters...

...and neither his her mother, Skidmarks McGee.

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That's What George Michael Said...

...while he was discussing his escapades in park bathrooms and inside of creepy vans:


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So They Weren't Lying, The WMDs Do Really Exist...

...in porn.


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The Ultimate Triple Threat...

Wow, miracles really do happen. I think Erykah Badu said it best....."Just call Tyrone."

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Two Best Friends Just Hanging Out...

While these two go wayyyyy back, their 3rd musketeer, grape drink, just couldn't make it for this photo op:(

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The Two for One American Business Man Special...

Fukilikeanal and her sister Domeanyhole:

Don't be fooled, underneath those innocent plaid skirts is the opium flavored wrath of Genghis Khan just waiting to swallow harmless, horny men whole with their skin clamps.

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Dick Cheney on His New Harley...

All man, all the time. You know gas prices are bad when a guy who c*ms black gold has to economize from Air Force One to a more practical, environmentally-sound mode of transportation to work every day:

What he's doing in this photo is slightly inappropriate, but not shocking whatsoever considering the past two presidential terms. But now that I take a closer look, I'm having trouble deciphering whether this is actually Dick Cheney or his mulleted, muff-diving, Mazda Miata driving, flannel shirt wearing daughter Mary????

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The Curry In a Hurry Aftershock...

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Following Suit With Numerous Other Republican Politicans, I Give You John McQueen...

A handsome woman he is indeed. A timeless, warhawk beauty:

I can say with almost 100% certainty that Larry Craig has the same ball gown and makeup artist.

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One Word: DITTO...

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Ris Ranson: Host of NBC China's To Ratch a Redator...

"Rease Rit Rown, and Rake a Reat. Rhat are You Rere Ror? Remonade? Rookies? And Rhy Do You Rave a Rag Rom Rictoria's Recret?" Rir, Ralm Rown. There are 42 of my Riends Routside on Yamaha Rotorcycles Raiting to go Mr. Miyagi on Your Rass.

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You Said It, I Didn't...

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George Jefferson: Minutes Before the Two Rednecks Put Their White Hoods On...

Run George, Run. You best be gettin' out a dere before them boys get chu.

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Sanjaya Gets Back on the Music Scene...

Inked and bald, he's pulling out all the stops to make sure his career has chart-topping success this time around. Now we all know who Ray J is singing about in his "Sexy Can I?" single.

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That's What They All Say...

...that's why you practice riding your bed post for a while before bending over like Clay Aiken visiting a prison yard on a hot summer day.

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McCain's Got One For Sure Vote...

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Just Because...

The Obama Elected Supreme Court If and When:

Wade in the water, wade in the water.....

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The Devil's Not the Only Horny One in the House of the Lord...

Sister Mary Joseph must really be goin' to town under that library desk. If she asks you if she can swipe your card? Say, absolutely not.

heygirlhey

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The XXX Jamie Lynn Spears Tape...

...where it all began:

Her interested was sparked to say the least. And 9 months later we have little Maddie Briann, her child with Casey Aldridge. The Juno craze lives on...

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